Here's what I see when I look at you

I used to take people at face value. If they told me they were this kind of person or that kind of person, I believed them. 

"I'm just shy," someone would say. Or "I've always been stubborn - it's just how I am."

And when I was younger, I accepted these statements. I thought this was how life worked. I thought we were born one way, and that we went through our lives that way, and hopefully we found friends and partners who fit in with our flaws and foibles and who didn't mind them too much.

I thought that our limitations were real. I believed statements like "I just can't draw" or "I've never been good at speaking in public."

I feel so differently now. I see it all as a massive illusion.

Example: I spent most of my life telling people I can't sing. "I can't hold a tune to save my life," I'd say merrily. Then a few years ago, someone challenged me. "I bet you can," she said, "I've heard you hum along and it sounds fine. I bet you can if you try." 

So I did an experiment. I stood in front of my computer and I recorded myself singing. It wasn't bad at all - I'm no Aretha Franklin and I couldn't hit the highest notes, but once I dropped the belief "I can't sing," I found I actually could.

Huh!

Things like this have been happening for a few years now. Ever since, I changed my mindset from limitation to potential. 

Now I am not saying that it's always as easy as my singing story. Often we have deeply ingrained beliefs and patterns and programming and these can be hard to shift.

For example, it's taken me about five years to move from being a shy person to someone who is comfortable in almost any situation. I used to be the person who slinked into a corner, or folded my arms, or even hid in a different room from everyone else. People often thought I was rude or intimidating, but I was just terrified!

It's hard for me to reconcile that person with the me of today. Now I'm the one who walks into rooms and chats with everyone; the one who makes videos and records podcasts; the one who genuinely doesn't care what you think of me as long as I'm happy with myself :)

And this is what I mean by a potential mindset versus a limitation mindset. When I look at people, I see only their potential but I HEAR their limitations. I hear them say "my art isn't very good" or "I've never been able to draw well" or "I don't have what it takes to sell my art" or "I'm no good with technology" - and it just sounds like static on an old TV set.... it's getting in the way of the real picture. 

Because I know you can make good art. I know they can draw well. I know they can sell their art. And I know they can figure out their computer.

Not only that, but they have the potential to be and do so much more. Once they realise that those limiting beliefs are wrong, they can question other limitations. Pretty soon they're flying!

I've talked about limiting beliefs before, but it's a subject I return to over and over again. I still have limiting beliefs myself- I caught myself the other day, saying something as if it was a fact. Then later I realised, it was just a belief. 

The good thing is that this gives us a huge amount of control. We can change these beliefs, and once we do, we allow in new possibilities.

If you believe you are capable of learning technology, you can start learning how to build a website or start an Instagram account. If you believe you're capable of drawing well, you can start taking lessons, or maybe just practicing. But can you see how the belief that "I am no good at X" stops you from even trying?

It's a cop out really. It's a way of letting ourselves off the hook. 

This doesn't mean we have to learn everything of course. (I'm sure I could learn archery but I have no desire to do so!) It just means that if something is holding us back from what we want, we can choose to question whether it is a false limitation. If it is, we can then start to let it go. 

So how do you know if a limitation is false or not? I'm not sure, but I think one way is to ask "has someone else like me ever done the thing I want to do?"

So, as an example, does any other middle-aged woman use Instagram effectively? Yes of course! Then so can you.

Has any other self-taught artist ever built a career selling their art? Yes of course, therefore it's possible for you too.

Has anyone ever defeated their mortality? Um no. I think we can agree mortality is a fact not a belief. 

But where it gets tricky is when we confuse present day facts with firm reality forever. So it might be true for you to say "I cannot afford to build a studio in my garden." But it isn't true for you to say "I will never be able to afford to build a studio in my garden" because now you have introduced belief into the equation. 

It might be true to say "I cannot draw a portrait that looks like the model" but it isn't true to say "I will never be able to draw a portrait that looks like the model."

These might seem like small distinctions but actually I think they are HUGELY important. We can only ever achieve what we believe is possible ... and only we can control what we believe.

So this week, I'm asking you to reflect on this too.... what are your limiting beliefs? How are you holding yourself back? And is there anything you could do to prove yourself wrong?